"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes shall constantly behold your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left."
So, for homeschool, one of the girls has been reading "Hinds Feet In High Places," a book I was introduced to by the lovely CaraMia, who was in my writing class. I loved the book so much, I made it part of my writing curriculum. I think, for those in the walk with cancer, it's a book worth reading.
The book is an allegory. In it, the Shepherd (Christ) is giving guidance to Much-Afraid, who has an incredible journey that must happen in order for her to reach the High Places. It's much like the journey that we are thrust in during cancer.
At one point, the Shepherd provides traveling companions to Much-Afraid. Here is part of the book:
"Here are the two guides which I promised," said the Shepherd quietly. "From now on until you are over the steep and difficult places, they will be your companions and helpers.”
Much-Afraid looks at the “companions” and realizes quickly that they are very different. Their faces are veiled, and they don’t speak! They don’t seem to be friendly. The Shepherd says they aren’t dumb, they speak a new language.
Wow, that is just what cancer does. The walk is a new language and you have to be able to speak it…
“They are good teachers; indeed, I have few better. As for their names, I will tell them in your own language and later you will learn what they are called in their own tongue. This,” said He, motioning toward the first of the silent figures, “is named Sorrow. And the other is her twin sister, Suffering.”…
“I can’t go with them,” she gasped. “I can’t! I can’t! O my Lord Shepherd, why do You do this to me? How can I travel in their company? It is more than I can bear. You tell me that the mountain way itself is so steep and difficult that I cannot climb it alone. Then why, oh why, must You make Sorrow and Suffering my companions?
If you wonder, what happens when you begin your walk with cancer, well, this is it. YOU are Much-Afraid, quite literally. And you take the hands of your companions, sorrow and suffering, and you travel with them, side by side. They teach you, they put your feet in places you don’t want to go, but you know that you must. They grow you in ways you never thought you would grow.
I happened upon a Pinterest connection today, a lady named Elizabeth who has Pins about her cancer journey. She has also pinned the journeys of others, including several of ladies who have posed showing their scars from breast removal due to cancer. It’s beautiful. These ladies have taken the hands of suffering and sorrow…and they have walked through valleys that most don’t understand. They have grown and become new people. Suffering and Sorrow do that for you. They become dear friends.
To all those who are taking the hands of the sisters today—may your feet be placed in high places…
ps. If you are interested, I have "repinned" one of Elizabeth's pins, perhaps if you are on Pinterest, you will be interested in following her page or at least checking her out! She is a kidney cancer survivor!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
In the last few years, my life has seen much change. One of the most interesting changes has been that of becoming a step-mother.
I had a great example of what a step-parent should look like. In a world where step-parents exist, which is of course, NOT a perfect world, Layne was probably the closest thing to a perfect step-parent that ever existed. So many people were shocked to find that he even WAS a step-parent. He loved our girls as much as he loved the boys. He thought of them constantly.
Now, I'm in no way hoping to be as good at this as Layne, who made it look--well easy. It's not. David and I are both learning that there are a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of worries, and a lot of confusion that comes with being step-parents.
What is it like? Have you ever seen the television show "Wife Swap?" Two moms switch places and have to interact with families with different lifestyles. You wonder when you first meet the two families how these people will make it two weeks without killing one another. Ultra conservative moms are sent to live with liberals. Moms who are neat freaks go live in homes that are mounded in trash. Sports freaks go to live with families that only read books.
That's what it is like. You have this one life. And you are pretty settled in that life. Suddenly, you are thrust into a new life. You have kids who don't respond to things the way the kids you have been living with have always responded. They have new rules, or new areas of flex. Add to that the stresses that come with whatever caused each family to be without one parent, and well, it's an interesting situation.
There are decisions to be made. Names, for instance. What do the kids call you? What do you call yourself? I always thought I'd never have one of those hyphenated names--my name was of course, to be supplanted with my husband's name. But what do you do when you have kids, and dad passes on? You want to be identified with those kids. You want to honor the man who gave his life for all of you, yet, there is this new husband who also should be honored. Answer? You hyphenate.
Changes happen...families blend...but it isn't like mixing Koolade, where the water meets the color, and everything is one. It's more like lemonade, where you stir and stir and stir and half the sugar insists on sitting at the bottom of the pitcher. It takes time. It takes prayer, it takes patience. You have to rely that God has a plan, even if sometimes, you don't see it clearly.
Slowly though, it happens. A little girl says "Betty, can I talk to you...not Dad, YOU?" OR a son making hard decisions gets some help from a guy who is willing to listen--so he doesn't have to burden mom with his concerns. A young man learns to drive, a little girl finds that she's got inner AND outer strength in Judo, a family takes a night off to watch "The Hiding Place" together and have wings.
And we learn from each other. Just like in "Wife Swap"... And God carries you, one day at a time. Here is to all those "step" parents...who STEP up, STEP in and STEP forward to parent kids they did not bring into the world, to help those kids make their way in it.
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
In the last few years, my life has seen much change. One of the most interesting changes has been that of becoming a step-mother.
I had a great example of what a step-parent should look like. In a world where step-parents exist, which is of course, NOT a perfect world, Layne was probably the closest thing to a perfect step-parent that ever existed. So many people were shocked to find that he even WAS a step-parent. He loved our girls as much as he loved the boys. He thought of them constantly.
Now, I'm in no way hoping to be as good at this as Layne, who made it look--well easy. It's not. David and I are both learning that there are a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of worries, and a lot of confusion that comes with being step-parents.
What is it like? Have you ever seen the television show "Wife Swap?" Two moms switch places and have to interact with families with different lifestyles. You wonder when you first meet the two families how these people will make it two weeks without killing one another. Ultra conservative moms are sent to live with liberals. Moms who are neat freaks go live in homes that are mounded in trash. Sports freaks go to live with families that only read books.
That's what it is like. You have this one life. And you are pretty settled in that life. Suddenly, you are thrust into a new life. You have kids who don't respond to things the way the kids you have been living with have always responded. They have new rules, or new areas of flex. Add to that the stresses that come with whatever caused each family to be without one parent, and well, it's an interesting situation.
There are decisions to be made. Names, for instance. What do the kids call you? What do you call yourself? I always thought I'd never have one of those hyphenated names--my name was of course, to be supplanted with my husband's name. But what do you do when you have kids, and dad passes on? You want to be identified with those kids. You want to honor the man who gave his life for all of you, yet, there is this new husband who also should be honored. Answer? You hyphenate.
Changes happen...families blend...but it isn't like mixing Koolade, where the water meets the color, and everything is one. It's more like lemonade, where you stir and stir and stir and half the sugar insists on sitting at the bottom of the pitcher. It takes time. It takes prayer, it takes patience. You have to rely that God has a plan, even if sometimes, you don't see it clearly.
Slowly though, it happens. A little girl says "Betty, can I talk to you...not Dad, YOU?" OR a son making hard decisions gets some help from a guy who is willing to listen--so he doesn't have to burden mom with his concerns. A young man learns to drive, a little girl finds that she's got inner AND outer strength in Judo, a family takes a night off to watch "The Hiding Place" together and have wings.
And we learn from each other. Just like in "Wife Swap"... And God carries you, one day at a time. Here is to all those "step" parents...who STEP up, STEP in and STEP forward to parent kids they did not bring into the world, to help those kids make their way in it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
On Preparation and Attachment
Preparation is important. The Bible tells us so, clearly. It is up to us to prepare and to provide for our own house. But the verse also says to "provide for his own." Who are "his own?" That's a question that I think each person has to answer in front of the Lord for himself.
We prepared, we diligently put aside money for savings, trying to live within our means, trying to provide for others around us as well. For us, "his own" was anyone in our small group, our homeschool group, or Layne's office. We put aside monies, we tried to help wherever we could. Sometimes it was money for medical expenses, sometimes it was Christmas gifts left on a porch all wrapped--on Christmas Eve. Sometimes, it was a ticket to Promisekeepers or Dare2Share.
We prepared for our family, or we thought we had. We were both covered with life insurance. We assumed we had ENOUGH life insurance. We had savings for emergencies. However, we had no idea how large the bills from a medical emergency could be. We assumed (wrongly) that our health insurance would take care of us. We had the best plan available--of course they would keep up their end of the bargain if we paid premiums, right?
Now, let's talk attachment. I'm not talking about the attachment you have to your wife, or your children...I'm talking having your accounts attached by an outside source. For instance, the IRS or a hospital.
They don't do that to widows and widowers, do they? Yes, they do. In a community property state, your spouse's debts are your debts. When he or she dies, the bills do NOT go with him or her. They are laid at the doorstep of the remaining spouse for payment.
Ahhhhh but you can have a trust, correct? Yes, you can. But a trust does not protect you from these bills. Your family trust can be attached, you can be sued, and the entity that is owed money can take it, and most likely, they will.
Now, let's talk providing and preparing. If there was one message I could give to men out there it would be: Really prepare. If tomorrow, you didn't come home from work, what would you want your family's life to look like? Do you want your wife to continue being a stay at home mom? Do you want to continue homeschooling? Do you want them to move closer to family?
Well, then you must save and provide insurance to cover that. But more than this, you must provide for the bills you will leave.
What if you are placed on a respirator for ten years. Who pays those bills? You have no life insurance payout in most cases (some pay half if the condition is terminal.) Do you have disability insurance to cover you?
How will your wife get health insurance for the children? Have you provided for THAT?
What if you don't die in an accident, but you get cancer. Do you realize you will probably leave behind, no matter what insurance you have, hundreds of thousands in bills that are due upon your death?
You need to insure for those bills, as well.
Now, to those who have friends who are widows or widowers... before you begin throwing rocks:
Most widows and widowers I know were not made wealthy upon the death of their spouse. They were mostly financially devastated. Yet good "friends" will whisper "Well, she/he should be able to pay for that, he/she just got life insurance." "Did you see that Bob got a new lawnmower? His wife must have left money."
Hint: They do extend credit to widows and widowers--having something new doesn't mean the item was paid for in cash.
Or, worse yet: "Why didn't he or she leave enough for his spouse to live on?"
I find that most couples have NO IDEA the money that a long illness can take from the family. There can be job loss, there can be medical expenses not covered by insurance. There will be decisions that at the time, you cannot make in a logical fashion--what would YOU pay, for instance, if you thought there was a possible cure for a disease that was sure to take your spouse? $40,000? $100,000, $1,000,000?
I once spoke to a lawyer friend, and we both believed that churches should do seminars for couples on preparation. There should be resources to explain the REALITIES of trusts and wills, the importance of saving and insurance, and why it is important to prepare now, for something we will all face one day, physical death.
I think that perhaps, in this case, "your own" is the members of your church. And perhaps, we need to care for our own with teaching and care. Now THAT is a church program I can get behind.
On Preparation and Attachment
Preparation is important. The Bible tells us so, clearly. It is up to us to prepare and to provide for our own house. But the verse also says to "provide for his own." Who are "his own?" That's a question that I think each person has to answer in front of the Lord for himself.
We prepared, we diligently put aside money for savings, trying to live within our means, trying to provide for others around us as well. For us, "his own" was anyone in our small group, our homeschool group, or Layne's office. We put aside monies, we tried to help wherever we could. Sometimes it was money for medical expenses, sometimes it was Christmas gifts left on a porch all wrapped--on Christmas Eve. Sometimes, it was a ticket to Promisekeepers or Dare2Share.
We prepared for our family, or we thought we had. We were both covered with life insurance. We assumed we had ENOUGH life insurance. We had savings for emergencies. However, we had no idea how large the bills from a medical emergency could be. We assumed (wrongly) that our health insurance would take care of us. We had the best plan available--of course they would keep up their end of the bargain if we paid premiums, right?
Now, let's talk attachment. I'm not talking about the attachment you have to your wife, or your children...I'm talking having your accounts attached by an outside source. For instance, the IRS or a hospital.
They don't do that to widows and widowers, do they? Yes, they do. In a community property state, your spouse's debts are your debts. When he or she dies, the bills do NOT go with him or her. They are laid at the doorstep of the remaining spouse for payment.
Ahhhhh but you can have a trust, correct? Yes, you can. But a trust does not protect you from these bills. Your family trust can be attached, you can be sued, and the entity that is owed money can take it, and most likely, they will.
Now, let's talk providing and preparing. If there was one message I could give to men out there it would be: Really prepare. If tomorrow, you didn't come home from work, what would you want your family's life to look like? Do you want your wife to continue being a stay at home mom? Do you want to continue homeschooling? Do you want them to move closer to family?
Well, then you must save and provide insurance to cover that. But more than this, you must provide for the bills you will leave.
What if you are placed on a respirator for ten years. Who pays those bills? You have no life insurance payout in most cases (some pay half if the condition is terminal.) Do you have disability insurance to cover you?
How will your wife get health insurance for the children? Have you provided for THAT?
What if you don't die in an accident, but you get cancer. Do you realize you will probably leave behind, no matter what insurance you have, hundreds of thousands in bills that are due upon your death?
You need to insure for those bills, as well.
Now, to those who have friends who are widows or widowers... before you begin throwing rocks:
Most widows and widowers I know were not made wealthy upon the death of their spouse. They were mostly financially devastated. Yet good "friends" will whisper "Well, she/he should be able to pay for that, he/she just got life insurance." "Did you see that Bob got a new lawnmower? His wife must have left money."
Hint: They do extend credit to widows and widowers--having something new doesn't mean the item was paid for in cash.
Or, worse yet: "Why didn't he or she leave enough for his spouse to live on?"
I find that most couples have NO IDEA the money that a long illness can take from the family. There can be job loss, there can be medical expenses not covered by insurance. There will be decisions that at the time, you cannot make in a logical fashion--what would YOU pay, for instance, if you thought there was a possible cure for a disease that was sure to take your spouse? $40,000? $100,000, $1,000,000?
I once spoke to a lawyer friend, and we both believed that churches should do seminars for couples on preparation. There should be resources to explain the REALITIES of trusts and wills, the importance of saving and insurance, and why it is important to prepare now, for something we will all face one day, physical death.
I think that perhaps, in this case, "your own" is the members of your church. And perhaps, we need to care for our own with teaching and care. Now THAT is a church program I can get behind.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
I was dumbstruck as I read it...a father waited impatiently on the doorstep of his home for his visitation time with his two young sons. When the caseworker arrived with the children, he took them inside quickly, shut and locked the door, and as the caseworker called 911, the house exploded.
What causes a man, a father, to do such a thing? What turns a man from a loving husband into a murderer? What selfishness entered his heart and caused him to turn back on God and his family?
I have been twice blessed. I had Layne, a man of sterling character, who loved us so very much. As my eldest son intoned just this week in a family meeting "My father literally laid his life down for his family."
Then, this weekend, we had a bit of a scare, when I began to have chest pains. Now, everyone who knows me will understand that I don't do doctors or hospitals--I think I have seen my share in the last years, and I really don't care to spend my free time being poked, prodded or investigated physically.
But, it was bad enough that when David asked, "Do we call 911" I nodded affirmatively.
So I found myself in Layne's world. A world where your lines get stuck over and over with stuff that burns like acid and tastes like window cleaner. I found myself tearing up as I thought of the man whose lines I had to clean daily--and how he bravely winced and kidded "Are you going to hurt me again?"
Over and over I hurt him, in order to try to save him. Multiple times, the nurses caused him to cry out, the doctors gave him instructions and prescribed medicines that would make him incredibly ill. Yet he did all this, not for himself, but for us.
Then, as I lay in the bed, in his position, this weekend--I watched David trying to sleep with his head on the bars of the bed. I watched him endure all I endured for Layne--sleeplessness, feelings of inadequacy, and well, sheer terror that no matter what you do, you might be losing the person you love most.
It was then I realized just how blessed I am. To have been provided two husbands who are good men, and caring men. Who put their families before themselves. In today's "It's All About Me" world, that is beyond unusual.
Yet, not all women are so blessed. The Powell family met a violent end because of a breakdown in the leadership of the home. The father sought to take their lives in place of laying his down for them. My heart and prayers go out to the extended family who have to deal with the aftermath.
As I peruse emails and my Facebook page, I realize that so many of my friends are blessed. Their spouses love them, and together, they lead homes and raise children to be honorable, loving, and kind. Sometimes, I think Christians take for granted that this is how life "is". We don't truly count our blessings when our spouse goes to work instead of off to take care of his or her own selfish needs. We don't whisper a prayer up when things go wrong, hoping our spouse will have our back--because we just know they will. We really need to appreciate our spouses though, and we need to show them that we honor and appreciate them.
Valentine's Day will come and go, but truly...does it need to be a certain day to do something small to let your spouse know that you don't take that calm assurance of acceptance and care for granted? Why not let them know TODAY that consistency and reliability is noticed and life giving, and as important as any gift of flowers, candy, and dinners out. Sometimes, a simple kiss and an "I notice" can mean the world.
This morning, I am back at home, with a list of doctors to visit. I'm blessed that my hospital stay was covered by some amazing insurance, provided by my husband. I'm blessed that if I need to be driven to tests, my sons and my husband will provide transportation and support. I blessed because of the godly and honorable men in my life. I want them to know that quiet, strong support is important to me. It is life giving. Thank you.
I was dumbstruck as I read it...a father waited impatiently on the doorstep of his home for his visitation time with his two young sons. When the caseworker arrived with the children, he took them inside quickly, shut and locked the door, and as the caseworker called 911, the house exploded.
What causes a man, a father, to do such a thing? What turns a man from a loving husband into a murderer? What selfishness entered his heart and caused him to turn back on God and his family?
I have been twice blessed. I had Layne, a man of sterling character, who loved us so very much. As my eldest son intoned just this week in a family meeting "My father literally laid his life down for his family."
Then, this weekend, we had a bit of a scare, when I began to have chest pains. Now, everyone who knows me will understand that I don't do doctors or hospitals--I think I have seen my share in the last years, and I really don't care to spend my free time being poked, prodded or investigated physically.
But, it was bad enough that when David asked, "Do we call 911" I nodded affirmatively.
So I found myself in Layne's world. A world where your lines get stuck over and over with stuff that burns like acid and tastes like window cleaner. I found myself tearing up as I thought of the man whose lines I had to clean daily--and how he bravely winced and kidded "Are you going to hurt me again?"
Over and over I hurt him, in order to try to save him. Multiple times, the nurses caused him to cry out, the doctors gave him instructions and prescribed medicines that would make him incredibly ill. Yet he did all this, not for himself, but for us.
Then, as I lay in the bed, in his position, this weekend--I watched David trying to sleep with his head on the bars of the bed. I watched him endure all I endured for Layne--sleeplessness, feelings of inadequacy, and well, sheer terror that no matter what you do, you might be losing the person you love most.
It was then I realized just how blessed I am. To have been provided two husbands who are good men, and caring men. Who put their families before themselves. In today's "It's All About Me" world, that is beyond unusual.
Yet, not all women are so blessed. The Powell family met a violent end because of a breakdown in the leadership of the home. The father sought to take their lives in place of laying his down for them. My heart and prayers go out to the extended family who have to deal with the aftermath.
As I peruse emails and my Facebook page, I realize that so many of my friends are blessed. Their spouses love them, and together, they lead homes and raise children to be honorable, loving, and kind. Sometimes, I think Christians take for granted that this is how life "is". We don't truly count our blessings when our spouse goes to work instead of off to take care of his or her own selfish needs. We don't whisper a prayer up when things go wrong, hoping our spouse will have our back--because we just know they will. We really need to appreciate our spouses though, and we need to show them that we honor and appreciate them.
Valentine's Day will come and go, but truly...does it need to be a certain day to do something small to let your spouse know that you don't take that calm assurance of acceptance and care for granted? Why not let them know TODAY that consistency and reliability is noticed and life giving, and as important as any gift of flowers, candy, and dinners out. Sometimes, a simple kiss and an "I notice" can mean the world.
This morning, I am back at home, with a list of doctors to visit. I'm blessed that my hospital stay was covered by some amazing insurance, provided by my husband. I'm blessed that if I need to be driven to tests, my sons and my husband will provide transportation and support. I blessed because of the godly and honorable men in my life. I want them to know that quiet, strong support is important to me. It is life giving. Thank you.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Psalm 56:8
"8 You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?"
Someone asked me once to describe grief...I really couldn't do it. It's not like being sad. When you are sad, a friend can come along and cheer you up. Grief is deeper, it robs something from you permanently, it is physically debilitating, it is so intense it does not lend itself to description.
Two news articles in the last two days have reminded me just how difficult the process is. The first, located at: http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/4-dead-in-apparent-murder-suicide-in-SE-Ohio-2454821.php ,
tells of a man who was caring for his terminally ill wife. He apparently got very upset at the number of people taking up her time, when he wanted to spend time with her. I immediately related to this. In his last months, it was difficult for me to share my time with Layne--I really hated work, and the time it stole from us. In the hospital, I struggled because I knew the kids needed time with him, but I wanted every second that I could get as well. I knew friends wanted to be with him, but every breathe of his made my heart soar, and I didn't want to miss one! It's not logical and it isn't "normal", but when your life is caring for someone twenty-four hours a day, you are worn down, and you are pouring your life out for them. So I can understand this man's despair. I am very sorry that it came to this.
The second story, located at http://abcnews.go.com/Health/grieving-raises-heart-attack-risk-study/story?id=15324068#.TwxmkaU3Sa8 tells of a study that indicates the odds of a heart attack are much higher in the month after losing someone significant. This didn't surprise me, either. There were times after Layne passed that I wondered if my heart would explode in my chest. It wasn't, again, sadness, it was a physical pain... with no explanation.
The other interesting thing I have learned is that grief is different for everyone, and for some, it begins long before a death. This is why some people "seem" to get over their grief so quickly. In reality, if your spouse has terminal cancer, you begin to grieve as you begin to lose them. The person who cared for you as you cared for them slips away...and you lose grip on them. You become a total caregiver, and you grieve their loss long before they are physically gone from this world. There is no "cure" for grief...a movie doesn't fix it, a card from a friend cannot touch it. But love, shown in these ways, does soothe the jangled nerves and the parched soul. It helps you live through a hurt you could, before this situation, never imagine.
I have so many friends who are grieving right now. My heart goes out to them. I want to save them from this physical and mental hell,l but I know that there is no way I can do this. The only promise I can offer is that one day, there will be no tears. The Lord promises that he loves the broken hearted and will heal. Lay your trust in Him...
If you know someone who is grieving, don't forget them as time marches on. Recognize that grief happens before the loss, as well, and shower them with love. Provide balm to their soul...for in doing so, you may be unwittingly caring for an angel!
Blessings to all my grieving friends. I love you.
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?"
Someone asked me once to describe grief...I really couldn't do it. It's not like being sad. When you are sad, a friend can come along and cheer you up. Grief is deeper, it robs something from you permanently, it is physically debilitating, it is so intense it does not lend itself to description.
Two news articles in the last two days have reminded me just how difficult the process is. The first, located at: http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/4-dead-in-apparent-murder-suicide-in-SE-Ohio-2454821.php ,
tells of a man who was caring for his terminally ill wife. He apparently got very upset at the number of people taking up her time, when he wanted to spend time with her. I immediately related to this. In his last months, it was difficult for me to share my time with Layne--I really hated work, and the time it stole from us. In the hospital, I struggled because I knew the kids needed time with him, but I wanted every second that I could get as well. I knew friends wanted to be with him, but every breathe of his made my heart soar, and I didn't want to miss one! It's not logical and it isn't "normal", but when your life is caring for someone twenty-four hours a day, you are worn down, and you are pouring your life out for them. So I can understand this man's despair. I am very sorry that it came to this.
The second story, located at http://abcnews.go.com/Health/grieving-raises-heart-attack-risk-study/story?id=15324068#.TwxmkaU3Sa8 tells of a study that indicates the odds of a heart attack are much higher in the month after losing someone significant. This didn't surprise me, either. There were times after Layne passed that I wondered if my heart would explode in my chest. It wasn't, again, sadness, it was a physical pain... with no explanation.
The other interesting thing I have learned is that grief is different for everyone, and for some, it begins long before a death. This is why some people "seem" to get over their grief so quickly. In reality, if your spouse has terminal cancer, you begin to grieve as you begin to lose them. The person who cared for you as you cared for them slips away...and you lose grip on them. You become a total caregiver, and you grieve their loss long before they are physically gone from this world. There is no "cure" for grief...a movie doesn't fix it, a card from a friend cannot touch it. But love, shown in these ways, does soothe the jangled nerves and the parched soul. It helps you live through a hurt you could, before this situation, never imagine.
I have so many friends who are grieving right now. My heart goes out to them. I want to save them from this physical and mental hell,l but I know that there is no way I can do this. The only promise I can offer is that one day, there will be no tears. The Lord promises that he loves the broken hearted and will heal. Lay your trust in Him...
If you know someone who is grieving, don't forget them as time marches on. Recognize that grief happens before the loss, as well, and shower them with love. Provide balm to their soul...for in doing so, you may be unwittingly caring for an angel!
Blessings to all my grieving friends. I love you.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Genesis 42:38
38 But [m]Jacob said, “My son shall not go down with you; for his brother is dead, and he alone is left. If harm should befall him on the journey [n]you are taking, then you will bring my gray hair down to Sheol in sorrow.”
Jacob, who is also known as Israel, a man of great faith. A man who was honored to have the tribes of Israel descend from his personal line. And yet, here we see that he was in fear.
If you remember the story, Jacob's son, Joseph, was sold into slavery by his brothers. Later in his life, Joseph correctly predicts a seven year famine by interpreting a dream, and he is then put in a position of great authority. His brothers come to him for food, not knowing it is him, and he asks them to bring back Benjamin, the brother who would be from the same mother as himself. Jacob clearly does not want to send Benjamin. He really isn't sure he can take anymore. His life has been filled with sorrow.
Yet, God has great blessings for him in what appears to be a storm of life. He means these things for Jacob's good. He is about to bless Jacob hugely, if Jacob will only allow him to do so.
How often do we quiver in terror in the storms of life? How often do we say "God, why would you do this to me?" I know I've spent a lot of time in the last three years asking that question. It's the human condition, we can only see the storm we are currently battling, and not the picture that the Lord sees. So we grumble, we whine, we tremble.
Yet, through it all, the Lord has us. He has held the kids and I in His hands. When there was no provision, provision found us. When there was no safety, we were kept in his safe hands. As I look back, I realize that even as I cried out and insisted God explain Himself, he was paving a path to blessings.
Even in the worst of times, God is there. He knows your tears, and he wishes you to reach out in faith...and take those hard steps.
Jacob, who is also known as Israel, a man of great faith. A man who was honored to have the tribes of Israel descend from his personal line. And yet, here we see that he was in fear.
If you remember the story, Jacob's son, Joseph, was sold into slavery by his brothers. Later in his life, Joseph correctly predicts a seven year famine by interpreting a dream, and he is then put in a position of great authority. His brothers come to him for food, not knowing it is him, and he asks them to bring back Benjamin, the brother who would be from the same mother as himself. Jacob clearly does not want to send Benjamin. He really isn't sure he can take anymore. His life has been filled with sorrow.
Yet, God has great blessings for him in what appears to be a storm of life. He means these things for Jacob's good. He is about to bless Jacob hugely, if Jacob will only allow him to do so.
How often do we quiver in terror in the storms of life? How often do we say "God, why would you do this to me?" I know I've spent a lot of time in the last three years asking that question. It's the human condition, we can only see the storm we are currently battling, and not the picture that the Lord sees. So we grumble, we whine, we tremble.
Yet, through it all, the Lord has us. He has held the kids and I in His hands. When there was no provision, provision found us. When there was no safety, we were kept in his safe hands. As I look back, I realize that even as I cried out and insisted God explain Himself, he was paving a path to blessings.
Even in the worst of times, God is there. He knows your tears, and he wishes you to reach out in faith...and take those hard steps.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Luke 2:1-4
"1 Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all [a]the inhabited earth. 2 [b]This was the first census taken while [c]Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3 And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. 4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, 5 in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. 6 While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. 7 And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a [d]manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."
Now, you have to think about this. Joseph had to go to Bethlehem to be taxed because it was the home of his fathers. This is where is family hailed from--this is where the relatives are.
Yet, when he and his pregnant wife arrived, there was no room for them in the inn. Well, did you ever wonder, why were they trying to find an inn? Why didn't a relative take them in?
Could it be that many knew of the circumstances of the marriage. I can imagine that it was whispered about...even talked loudly about at the family get togethers. Wouldn't it be all the chat in the ladies group...as something to "keep in prayer?" I'm sure many eyes rolled...because everyone knew better and decided that Mary and Joseph had sinned.
This wouldn't be a first. Look at Job's friends. His buddies stop by not to see if they can assist, not to offer funds or medical aid, but to ask what sin he has committed.
As we have walked this journey, we have learned that people can be very judgmental. It's human nature. There are those who wonder what a person does to bring cancer on themselves. There are those who question why this decision or that decision was made medically, financially, whatever. The experience we have had is the same for most of our friends with cancer. For the most part, you learn to overlook the gossip, the lack of grace--the lack of understanding. But as the pastor on Sunday, spoke about Mary, and about her walk with the Lord...I realized that she walked that long journey totally alone, with only her God and her husband beside her. And I really began to realize just how much my God DOES understand the journey I have been on.
If only those around Mary and Joseph had remembered their past character, and realized that these two people did not just fall from grace overnight. Perhaps, there was more to their story than prying eyes could see. Just perhaps, God was working a miracle. Perhaps, He was very much in control. Sad really, as those that missed the blessings were not Mary and Joseph. It was those who chose to turn their backs on the couple--and instead, the blessings of welcoming the new baby Jesus to the earth were shephards...who were of ill repute and lowly.
Isn't it amazing how God works?
Merry Christmas.
Now, you have to think about this. Joseph had to go to Bethlehem to be taxed because it was the home of his fathers. This is where is family hailed from--this is where the relatives are.
Yet, when he and his pregnant wife arrived, there was no room for them in the inn. Well, did you ever wonder, why were they trying to find an inn? Why didn't a relative take them in?
Could it be that many knew of the circumstances of the marriage. I can imagine that it was whispered about...even talked loudly about at the family get togethers. Wouldn't it be all the chat in the ladies group...as something to "keep in prayer?" I'm sure many eyes rolled...because everyone knew better and decided that Mary and Joseph had sinned.
This wouldn't be a first. Look at Job's friends. His buddies stop by not to see if they can assist, not to offer funds or medical aid, but to ask what sin he has committed.
As we have walked this journey, we have learned that people can be very judgmental. It's human nature. There are those who wonder what a person does to bring cancer on themselves. There are those who question why this decision or that decision was made medically, financially, whatever. The experience we have had is the same for most of our friends with cancer. For the most part, you learn to overlook the gossip, the lack of grace--the lack of understanding. But as the pastor on Sunday, spoke about Mary, and about her walk with the Lord...I realized that she walked that long journey totally alone, with only her God and her husband beside her. And I really began to realize just how much my God DOES understand the journey I have been on.
If only those around Mary and Joseph had remembered their past character, and realized that these two people did not just fall from grace overnight. Perhaps, there was more to their story than prying eyes could see. Just perhaps, God was working a miracle. Perhaps, He was very much in control. Sad really, as those that missed the blessings were not Mary and Joseph. It was those who chose to turn their backs on the couple--and instead, the blessings of welcoming the new baby Jesus to the earth were shephards...who were of ill repute and lowly.
Isn't it amazing how God works?
Merry Christmas.
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