Mark 16:15 Happy Birthday Layne

Mark 16: 15  And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”

No, I did not forget Layne’s birthday this year.  I know some of you thought I had—or him.  No, he’s a part of me, and always will be. 

On Layne’s birthday, I was out of town due to a conference for the ministry I am blessed to serve with.  It’s a ministry to the adult entertainment industry, probably one of the most unreached demographics in America.  I went to Chicago to learn, to hear from God, to meet sisters who work the same type of ministries. 

Not only did I not forget Layne’s birthday, he has been ever so present on my mind.  For years, he yearned to move to Oregon.  He considered it a huge mission field, and felt that it was our destiny to be in ministry in Oregon.  I know that he would be so pleased to know that I am spending my time letting women in Oregon know that Jesus loves them.

What in the world do you do in a strip club?  Well, we go in, and we hug the ladies.  We hug the bouncers.  We smile.  We bring light.  We bring cookies, we bring gifts, we bring the love of Christ.  We give them a place to call when things are dark, or they have needs.  We give them a Facebook page to post their smiles to, and sometimes, we hold those who have lost their family members and friends to violence.  In short, we do missions work without ever using our passports.

So, it seems very fitting that on his birthday month, I have been working to learn more about how to do this ministry better.  I’ve been bonding with ladies who are part of the Strip Church network, and who have been going into clubs with God’s love for much longer.  It seems like a tribute to the life he lived—walking among the homeless to bring food and love, always having his office door open for anyone who needed to talk, always willing to answer his phone or go to a friend in need.

Maybe Strip Church isn’t a ministry for you.  But who is hurting near you who needs a hand up, a hug, a listening ear?  Spend some time this month, and do that for Layne…as a tribute.

I know he’d be smiling…..and looking down on me to say:  "You GO girl....!"

Happy Birthday Layne….you are missed more every day!

The Traveling Song

Whereupon Jesus said to them, My time (opportunity) has not come yet; but any time is suitable for you and your opportunity is ready any time [is always here]. John 7: 6

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTf3G3S6UZI

Today, my son texted me, "What's the name of the vacation song?"
That song, better known in our family as "the traveling song" was one of our family favorites.  As we would pullout of Vegas, Layne would put that song on and we would play it often on our vacation.  He especially liked for us to play it as we wound our way up the coast.  He felt that the piano strains and the rhythm kept with a rain stick were perfectly tuned to the coast.  In one part, the song sings "Alleluah...." and Layne swore he could hear angels singing that on our last trip as we traversed the twists and turns of highway 101 in as the fog settled in. 

I can't hear that sound without thinking of peace...the peace that Oregon brought to us.  And of Layne, and his love of Oregon

Today, Matthew, my youngest, makes his way to Yachats for the first time since we laid his dad's ashes on his favorite spots:  The Heceta Lighthouse, the cabin, our bench...and of course, "the edge of the world," our favorite piece of the Oregon coast.  

I would like to think that Layne heard that song...as he met his Savior...and completed his travels here on earth.

In life, we take a lot of roads. Some of them are difficult and filled with breakdowns, and some are boring.  But around each corner is an opportunity for excitement, for something greater...if only we will be open to those new experiences.  In our family, we call these "adventures."

God has so much for us.  Sometimes we get stuck in the commute of daily life, going back and forth, back and forth, but never noticing the world around us.  We don't take the time to slow down and notice the adventure in each day.

But that is not how it is supposed to be.  Our business gave us opportunities to reach people.  Our journey with cancer gave us opportunities to meet even more. 

Today, God has penciled a few things in your schedule.  Perhaps that breakdown is a chance to meet someone.  Maybe the woman smelling cantaloupe along side you in the grocery store needs a friend.  Maybe you are supposed to learn from the fast food worker, if you'd only listen. Every day we have divine appointments.  Let's not overlook those in order to meet some earthly mission.  

The traveling song is playing...where will the journey take you today?

A Ring of Truth...

It actually made headlines, in a world where people are shooting innocent victims in colleges, and Christians are being beheaded on seashores, Kathy Lee Gifford made headlines but doing the unthinkable only seven weeks after the passing of her husband of 29 years, Frank Gifford.

She appeared in public without her wedding ring.

Immediately, people began to talk "It's too soon."  "She got over him quickly."  "Is she dating already?"

I shook my head and poured in to the Bible where I read:  "You shall not afflict any widow or orphan.  If you afflict him at all and he does cry out to Me, I will surely hear his cry; and my anger will be kindled..." (Exodus 22:22-24a)

I have never met a widow (or widower) who expected to become one.  We don't get up one day and say "I think I'd make a great widow, I have a lot of little black dresses, and I think I can handle this house on my own."  The situation is thrust upon you, and even those who lose their spouses due to a lingering disease hold out hope that widowhood will be forestalled for a long while.  

We aren't taken to a back room and told how to prepare.  In the days of the civil war, there were rules to these things.  But even then, life dictated that the strict rules bend.  When the war began, social mores indicated that men were to mourn for six months, and then they were expected to quickly marry.  Women mourned for a year for a spouse, and were even in partial mourning for the spouse of a widower they married for a year after the death.  These rules relaxed as the war dragged on, and in one town, the mayor actually asked that women quit wearing their mourning clothing, as the entire town seemed to be cloaked in black.  

In modern times, many of us don't even wear black to our spouse's funeral.  In my case, I didn't even hold a "funeral", I held a "celebration of life," because that is what Layne would have wanted.  A celebration of the man he was. 

A good friend who I met through our Carepages, became a widower shortly after I was widowed.  He is an amazing man, who cared faithfully for his wife, who succumbed to cancer. He stepped in to be a mom when his wife could not be one to his daughters, and he was a servant to his wife, whose needs were numerous.  I recognized the progression in the photos, as she moved from walking and getting about to a wheelchair, his eyes began to have dark bags and his expression, though outwardly smiling, held a shadow of sadness.  

Within three months of the death of the woman to whom he had pledged his life, with whom he had brought children into the world, built a life, and worked in the world of missions, he met another Christian woman.  He put a ring on her finger and brought her home, where the children welcomed her, and she became their new mom.  I'm sure people talked.  I'm sure they thought it was "too soon"...but there is no denying the life that this new spouse has brought to my friend's life.  

The circles beneath his eyes are gone.  There is excitement in his reporting of daily events.  The children are growing into lovely young ladies...and there is happiness.  Does he love his former wife any less?  No.  Love that deep never goes away.  And now a second woman is blessed to have a husband who she is certain will love her through it all, till death they do part.  They shot family portraits recently...and this shot of "togetherness" I think, speaks volumes.

And yet, tongues and heads will wag, I'm sure.

But my friend was not given a rule book stating he had to remain a widower and alone for a certain amount of time.  God did not say to him, "You must be sad for longer."  God sent him a help meet...and he is grateful for that gift.

If they fall down and struggle, I would hope that instead of saying "I told you so" that his friends and the church would say " there, but by the grace of God go I," and extend a hand to lift them both up.

So Kathy Lee Gifford has removed her ring.  It's a ring...while a symbol of a relationship that she saw through to the end, it is not her husband.  She did not choose for him to be taken from her life.  Her husband will remain in her heart forever, I would imagine.  The shared memories that meant so much are now housed only in her mind...she is the lone keeper of all they shared intimately.  It would be so wrong to deny her any act of healing that she needs to embark upon life alone.  We will never know the strength it took to remove those rings, or the tears that fell as she did so.

It is not necessary to "afflict her" with our second guessing, gossip or sideways glances.  

As I said to all who didn't like how I "did" widowhood...when your chance comes, I pray you do it better than I.  It has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  

One Call from Our Knees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A0Ju6Gor1g

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singin' this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon,
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord, come through
We're gonna get there soon

Last night, I treated Tony to not one but two movies.  We saw the movie Captive, and the movie "90 Minutes in Heaven."  

When the wife in 90 Minutes in Heaven is called to her principal's office...and told about her husband's accident, I was there with her.  I've been there.  I've stood in a hospital hallway, being told that my life was about to change.  

Most of us don't realize it, but we will all have our moment, our call.  Either we will be the reason for the call, or we will be the one being informed.  It might be an accident, or cancer, or ....there are so many dark things that come upon us in life.  We're told that the rain falls upon the just and the unjust.  Life is hardship, and loss.  

From the moment of that call, that moment, you will mark time.  Every patient or caregiver understands this.  The moment it all changed.  The moment the world stood still.  

The question is, what do we do when that happens.  What are your first thoughts going to be?  Will you rail at the doctor?  Or will you be in shock?  Will you fall to your knees and beg God for mercy, will you question him?  The truth is, no one knows until they come into the situation.

The same is true for those who surround a person for whom that moment arrives, the "social circle."

I was encouraged by the folks who came alongside the family in the movie.  But in reality, while I know most of my churched friends will find this hard to believe, many families in crisis I know would not say this is what they experienced.  In fact, if it had not been for my homeschool family, I am not sure what would have happened to us.  

Now financially, people gave, but hands on help, well that is often hard to come by.  We needed help getting children to homeschool events, and just keeping up on the house.  We needed people to drop over and just TALK to Layne, and that seemed the hardest thing to get people to do.  We would see people we knew in the store, and they would scurry the other way after spotting us.  They didn't know what to say.  They didn't know how to help.  Those who did begin helping us, within a short period of time, when things got hard, walked away.

Unfortunately, this is what my boys saw of "the church."  They came to believe that when their father could no longer give thousands, that he became unimportant to the body.  They saw our struggles to get him anointed, and they took that all in.  And today, it affects them all.  They remember that those who should have, if they were living the word they loved to talk about, reached in and held us up, mostly shrank from the task.  When Layne passed, no men from the church stepped in.  One family friend did come talk to the boys once, but that was the end the interaction.  I appreciated the attempt, the boys remember being dropped.

What the church, what we as Christians, do in cases of tragedy is very important.  How the family is embraced is something those little ones will remember into their adulthood.  They see with clearer eyes sometimes, the hearts of people.  They know who speaks the words and who walks the walk.  Are we walking out our faith?  Or do we only talk it ("Let me know what I can do?") when others are in earshot?  The impact that is being made on those tiny hearts...is of an eternal nature.

We are our brother's keeper.  Those children are your children.  They need help with homework, they need a place to go and get away.  They need food, they need rides.  They need an open heart and a shoulder.  They need to know that their parents are still important to you.  Important enough for you to give up things to care for them, to be sacrificial in giving time and attention.  

We needed our small group to step up, not to disband.  We needed the believers who loved us to show up at the office, and pray with Layne.  A few did, and I'm thankful for Terry Wright, who stood by Layne until the end as a brother, and others.  But most people, for whom he had done much, were just "too busy."  I believe they were overwhelmed by the reality of the situation.  But we don't have time to be overwhelmed. When the world is unsure what to do is just when the church, the believers, need to step in.  That's how you know Christians.  It's by their love.

It was love that brought two families, the Wellmans and the Kedziorskis, to my home to pack boxes during our move. It was love that caused good friends to fly across the country, just to give a hug or to open their homes.  My boys came to realize that Christ is not really housed "in a church", He is housed in the hearts of those who give Him room. 

In Acts, we learn that the church grew because "the congregation of those who believed were of one heart and soul; and not one of them claimed that anything belonging to him was his own, but all things were common property to them."  We can't grow until we are willing to be our brother's keeper.  Are we really ready to walk the walk?

Running from grief...running to God

For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

Isaiah 41:13

My tennis shoes beat out the rhythm of the song that played in my earphones. 

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0JJBJNNU

(Held (Writer: Christa Wells    Performed by: Natalie Grant)

 "Who told us we'd be rescued, what has changed, and why should we be saved from nightmares?  We're asking why this happened, to us who have died to live, it's unfair.  This is what it means to be held how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive.  This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held."

It's a smooth rhythm.  And when I ran to the song "Held", I was able to talk to God, and remember, that truly "If hope was born of suffering, if this is only the beginning, can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?"  

I had asked my "whys".  I had railed against God one night on a jog around my neighborhood when the news first came.  "How could you God?  How could you do this to our family?  We had always done everything that you had asked.  We had given time, money, talents."

I wanted the all powerful God to step down from His mighty heaven and appear to me--with a promise of a miraculous healing so that all would know He was God.  I wanted an explanation.  I wanted God to be who I felt He should be, and like a petulant child, I demanded that He do as I expected.

His answer?  "He's my son, and you are putting him above me and my will.  You need to, much like Abraham was asked, hold him out for me to take if I want him back.  I love him even more than you can.  So trust me with him."

In the end, I placed Layne into God's hands, and unlike Abraham, God did not stay the hand of death.  He took him home, and left me to deal with the aftermath.  

And so I ran, and I ran and I ran.  I talked to God.

The tragedy didn't end with Layne's death, either.  Our family was ripped apart by Layne's loss and the broken hearts it created, our business was decimated, our home left underwater in payments, and my naive self was taken advantage of by a con artist in my grief.  Later, I was nearly killed in an bicycle accident, and had to learn to walk, and even stand, all over again.

It seems that this is the way that it happens in life.  We'll be faced with tragedy, and it often seems never enough to face one loss, generally, losses compound themselves until you feel as if a tsunami of sadness is enveloping your entire world.  These times separate us from others, who struggle to understand the enormity of pain.  But if we can hold on, even with our fingertips...to God, He alone can float us above the tragedy.  Waves may toss us, but He has his hands under the boat. Truly, the promise is we will be held.

I don't know your personal storms.  I don't know how high the water in your life is right now.  But when it all comes down, there are arms to run to that wish to hold you.

That's the promise.  That when, not IF, everything falls...we'll be held.

James 1:27

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this:  to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

I've been very burdened lately, that it is time to get back to the one promise I made Layne that I have not kept--to write the book "Our Journey In His Hands".  It's time.

I have put it off for so many reasons.  I know the inner strength it will take to go back through Layne's journals and my own, and to re-live that time when cancer dictated so much in our lives.  I also know that when I begin to write it, I'm going to face a lot of challenge from Satan, and let's face it, the past few years in my life have had enough trial and tribulation without calling out the enemy for face-to-face combat.  I also know the time commitment, and I run a business and a household.  Last but not least, who knows if I write it, if anyone will ever read it.  Can I get it published?

But I realize that it's time.  I know it was God who laid the book on our hearts.  It was Him who put the love of writing and tools for that in my heart at a young age.  I know also, that when He gives you talents, He expects that you will do more than court reporting or writing about the local diners with the gift.

But most of all, I'm realizing there is a gap that is not being filled by our churches.  It's a huge gap, because it's the essence of pure religion according to the writer of James.  We aren't serving our widows.

There are ministries for everything:  Promisekeepers is for men, Women of Faith for women.  There are youth ministries, homeless ministries, ministries for those with addictions such as Celebrate Recovery.  There are so many ministries, but this one thing that the church barely mentions.  Yes, there are grief ministries, but they don't really "care for" the widow.

I know that we are overlooked as a group because the women who are widowed have begun to care for one another.  There is an amazing blog called "A Widow's Walk" and another "One Fit Widow" that reach out to thousands of those left behind to finish their walk on earth alone.  Yet there is no church-wide movement to care for those mentioned so often in the Bible as the charge of the church.

Why should the church care for widows?  Because we simply cannot preach that women should take the biblical role of a help-meet, making her primary job caring for the household (though many women today also work) and then, if her husband is taken before her, kiss her on the forehead and wish her well.

In my own experience, most churches and Christians are at a loss as to how to handle a widow.  They aren't sure how to care for them, and when you call on Christian men to step in, they struggle to find the time.  In addition, we really aren't preparing Christian men to think about their wives--and what happens if tomorrow, the Lord calls them home?  Preparing for the possibility that you are not here, through journals so that your children can know your heart, education of your children in the ways of the Lord, and of course, financially, is of utmost importance.

Cancer has a way of making you a "widow" or "widower" even before your spouse is gone.  You lose the ability to share openly with them--most spouses don't talk about their fears with the spouse who has cancer, as they have their own fears.  You may lose their income, and their true personality due to some of the drugs that they must utilize in the fight.  We really need, as a church, to be reaching into homes where there is cancer, and serving them in so many ways, most of which cost nothing.

In addition, there is so much to say about the journey...how God did indeed show up, and that death is not "losing" or "lack of faith."  It is graduation into the arms of a loving Savior.

So, it's time to write about our journey.  You can help in so many ways:

1.  Prayer--this needs to be a book about what God did and what He can do
2.  Support by sharing the blog
3.  Encouragement --hold me accountable to write, and encourage me.  Writing is a lonely occupation and it is very easy to say "Oh I'll do it tomorrow, who will know if I don't write?"

I hope that this book will help so many reach back to their Savior, who is the great physician and the husband to the church.  I hope that any opportunities to speak will help to provide for widows of the future, and provide hope to those with cancer, that God holds their journeys and knows their tears.

With much love,
Betty

Four Years...and forever counting

As of tomorrow, it will have been four years since an amazing Yachats vacation.  Our family walked the beaches, sat on the sitting rock, made our way one more time down the forbidden access to the forbidden beach (shhhhhh I can't tell you where it is!)

We hiked trials, we ate on the beach, and Layne had a wonderful birthday.  Now I knew, at that time, unless there was a miracle, it would be his last birthday.  I nearly couldn't contain my tears...as he came happily out of the spa, where we had gifted him with a massage and time in a whirlpool overlooking the beach at the Overleaf.

He said it made his aching bones feel so much better, and he felt God in the room with him.  Well, that's worth whatever we paid for it.  I think back on that day, that glorious day, and I miss him.

I miss the man who was more than a dad, he was an example.  He asked nothing he would not do himself, either from his kids or from his employees.  And everyone respected him for that.

I miss him as a partner in life.  He was more than a husband, he was again, an example.  While I railed at God and screamed at him "How can you do this to us?" he said calmly..."He's here, and He has us."

I miss him as a friend.  When people let us down--especially people for whom he had provided much, he said "It's okay, at least now we know who truly loved us and to whom "Let me know what we can do" is just nice words to make themselves feel better."  It was Layne who coined the phrase, "Love is not a word, it's an action."

I miss him as a wise counselor.  He often could see through people in ways I could not.  He sensed when someone was going to harm us, and he sensed when people had needs..

I miss him as a man.  He was a man's man.  Always doing so much--I remember clearly when he picked up the car...and when he put a refrigerator in our Escort wagon...  I remember him working 16-18 hours sleeping for four and going back in to work.  He provided well, and he used his back and his wonderful hands to do that.

I miss him as the center of our family.  I always knew that.  I realized that I was part of the family, but he was the hub that we all revolved around.  He kept the boys on the narrow path.  He loved the girls, more than they would ever know.  He kept the family working together, with all those different personalities and viewpoints.

I miss him mostly as part of me, part of my soul.  We thought the same thoughts.  We often completed one another's sentences.  We believed the same.  We would play a number game, and we nearly always could guess one another's numbers.  Our faith was the same--we believed in being members of Christ's church not "a" church. We believed in teaching our own kids, not relying on a church to do it for us.  We believed that Christ had came to make change, and that if there is no change, there is no evidence of Christ.  We expected much of each other as Christians, and he held me to a strong and strict standard.

I miss him...and I honor him.  For there will never be another Layne.  He has put a piece of himself into five children.  He has given them a love of fine woods, good people, doing for others and hard work.  He has provided them an example that you can rise above whatever your circumstances, and you can create a life worth living.  He has left in each of them a kindness and a wit, that is unmatched.

He would tell the kids, when their jokes went too long..."Brevity is the soul of wit."  There was none more funny or witty than Layne.  And truly, that may be why he was taken so soon.  His life was brief, but it touched so many.

I was honored to be his wife and co-parent.  I was honored to be lifted by his laughter and held always by his hand on the beach, and in life.

Happy Birthday to a man who spoiled me and loved me and the kids, above all others, except God.  To Layne...who indeed, did tell us he was sick!

Love you...

The Fallow Season

The air is crisp, the sounds of leaves crunch under my feet as I walk in the evenings.  The colors of fall in Oregon are so intense that they are nearly surreal.  

As I enjoy the changes of seasons, and Oregon begins to enter the chill of winter, I am reminded of the heat of summer in Las Vegas and Arizona.  Our entire family bemoaned the lack of true seasons when we lived in the desert.  It is odd, after being raised in Ohio, to live in a place where there are only two temperatures: Extremely hot and extremely cold.

In the desert, the leaves are generally knocked off by a wind storm before they fall.  Most trees are evergreens, so there is no change of color.  The spring is not a season, it's a week.  

In Oregon, spring bursts forth with amazing colors.  The streets are lined with tulips and daffodils.  The trees begin to show buds, which are such a bright green to be nearly florescent.  The smells are amazing, and the sun kisses the soil.  Then summer is filled with green grass, fields of wheat and corn bowing in the breeze, and the crash of blue and white waves boiling onto the beaches.  Fall enters with fire reds, bright yellows and radiant oranges.  Winter holds gray skies and a scattering of white snow.  The fields are empty, nothing is produced on the farms.  

We get rain, we get a lot of rain.  We have gloomy weather.  But what I have realized is that when we lived in Vegas, without the constant rain to live through, with skies that are nearly always blue, something was missing.  

In life, we get rain.  We have to endure those fallow seasons, where we aren't growing anything.  Our fields lay fallow, we feel as though we aren't moving ahead in life, or ahead for the Lord.  But a rebirth is coming.  The spring will follow those periods of our life when there is death, there is sadness, there is a season of frigidness.  

And after we come through the winter season in our lives, we will be re-energized and life will break through with vibrant growth.  We'll find new inspiration and new hope.  

As Christians, we are not promised perfect lives.  God's goal is not to create a gentle journey for us.  His goal is for us to return to his arms, laden down with the fruit of other souls.  Part of our our sharpening process is hardship.  We are not promised ease, we are promised that when the world falls apart, we'll be held.  And, we are promised that spring is coming.

There is beauty in every season.  If it is your fallow season, take time to rest in God.  He will provide a new spring...soon.

Ephesians 3:20 (More than meets the eye)

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us."

"You missed signing a page of the paperwork, and the house needs to fund tomorrow.  You'll need to find the notary that came to your home and get her to notarize one more signature from you and get it to us immediately."

Wow, nothing about selling our home in Las Vegas has been easy.  We began the process in November of 2011, yet in February of 2013 the process still drudges along.  Now, we're down to the last few days before we lose the deal we have worked on for more than a year.  This is vitally important to us financially, so that we are not shackled by debt that was placed on the home in order to fund the lives of others... And I need to find a person who I know only by first name, with no clue of the company for whom she works, and I need to get her to make a special trip to my home for an additional signature.

Great.  This is how my life seems to go sometimes. Never an easy path, always the road is strewn with debris to be overcome.  Even something as "simple" as signing docs has been exasperating.

When I finally found Kristin, (she had left her number "just in case") she did indeed go out of her way to come directly to my home to gather the signature.  She was professional and courteous, and as she was gathering her things to leave, she said, "You know, this has only happened to me one other time, when a signature was missed.  And that time, it was because the person who I returned to needed prayers of healing."

Wow, a Christian.  Sometimes, you think you are the only one out there, and sometimes, they seem to be everywhere!

Then she went on to say that she sensed her appointment with me was about more than paperwork, that it was ordained by God. She asked if anyone had ever told me about Jesus, and I told her that we were also believers.   She prayed for my healing, laying hands upon my hip and shoulder.  She prayed for our kids, she prayed for Tony, for his job, for our household.  She prayed and she bound evil--and loosed blessings upon our home.

Sometimes paperwork is not just paperwork, and sometimes an accident is more than an accident.  We often through life, moaning and complaining about the things that seem to be obstacles to us.  When we lose a job, get cut off in traffic, or have emotional turmoil, we mutter, and we ask God "Why us?"

After all, as Christians, we are sometimes fed the message that God helps Christians, that He paves the way for us.  He will provide.  We can sit on our hands and He will see to it that our lives are perfect.  While the message may be pervasive, it isn't biblical.

Jesus himself told his followers that their lives would be difficult.  He said he came to bring a sword, and that if they wanted to come after Him, they would have to take up their cross and follow.  Taking up a cross is physically painful and challenging.  It is a mental load, it is a spiritual load.  There is no promise to remove the rocks in our pathway as we ascend our Golgotha 

Sometimes those rocks in our path are actually meant for our good.  We don't always take the time to appreciate them, or to recognize them as gifts.  The person who cuts you off in traffic could be saving you from a harrowing accident down the road.  The diagnosis could lead you to witness to another patient, and that may have eternal consequences.  There is so much spiritual activity about us that we simply don't see with our human eyes.

What appointments has God ordained for you today that are disguised as disappointments or interruptions?  Be looking for His Spirit at work...

Ecclesiastes 8:15

"So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a man under the sun except to eat and to drink and to be merry, and this will stand by him in his toils throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun."

**The grass glistened with the light drizzle that had fallen, and it beckoned them..."come and play!"  Quickly, they stripped themselves of shoes and socks...and began to run through the plush green carpeting.  Giggling, they romped and frolicked...**

Kids can be amazing.  They see the wonder in all things.  Their eyes shine with unbridled excitement, and they don't hesitate to see the good and the joy in everything.  Do you remember being young?  The days when you would try anything once?  The days when a simple hand in yours made your entire body weak from young love?  Where does that enthusiasm for life go to?

Often, we age in our minds before we age in our bodies.  The trials and tribulations of life darken the skies, and our eyes no longer reflect the passion of youth.  The light goes out...and once out, it can be difficult to relight.  We begin to think things like retirement, and sitting back, watching life roll by.

But retirement isn't biblical.  The leaders of old led until God took them home!  He expected them to get up each day, and have renewed fervor for Him and his commandments.  He called them to do very difficult things, like lead nations, at ages we would be considering our rocking chairs.  We, too, should be so excited about our lives, which are of course, precious gifts, and each day of our lives, that we seek Him with the faith and vibrancy of a child.  Isn't that the model Jesus gave us in the New Testament?  

**Indeed, two fifty year old "children" ran through the turf, laughing in the drizzle, and enjoying the precious moment that God had provided them.  Their hearts were renewed, their souls replenished by a perfect moment grasped from the hands of the ho-hum adult world where what the neighbors think means more than appreciating every second in their brief lives.**

Tonight, become a child again.  Don't just walk through life with no energy, attack it with passion and exuberance!  

"Dance in the Rain"

I will raise up my head I will stretch out my arms 

for the Lord He is good and his love never ends.  

I will face to the heavens and circle before Him

Your love never fails and your mercies are new

Clouds they will not cover me

and the darkness will not silence me

i'll look to the sky and lift up my voice

with a childlike heart i will say 

let me dance in the rain

dance in the rain

let me dance in the rain

dance in the rain

Link to "Dance in the Rain" by the Chic Band (scroll down to find the song)   http://www.chickband.net/music.htm

  

Psalm 103:4-5

"(Bless the Lord oh my soul) who redeems your life from the pit; who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion, who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle."

We are all on a quest for good things.  We spend our lives trying to amass good things don't we?  I certainly have.  When I was seventeen and ready to launch my own life, "good things" meant a place of my own, a corner office in New York City editing some national magazine, looking down on people from my ivory tower.

As I journeyed forward, I wanted a home, a nice car, pretty clothes for the girls.  But that wasn't enough.  Pretty soon, I was sitting in an amazing home with a pool, gathering more checks than bills from my mailbox and I still wanted MORE good things.

Then came the Lord, to change my perspective.  He took my definition of "good things" and turned it all around.  Two weeks with my kids on a beach, watching Mike make a perfect catch and chase down a runner, standing in the rain, watching the homeschool teens honor their parents with tributes, and being able to lead a student to the Lord at Dare2Share....those became my new "good things."

Not a new car, but a hand in yours.  Not a bigger house, but a hug from a true friend.  Not more precedence in the community, but more opportunities to serve.  God does change our perspective...and THEN and only then can He satisfy our years with good things.  He always wants to, but our viewpoints are so skewed sometimes, that though he is trying to give us so many good things, we refuse to see them.

I've learned that the following are all good things. They are more valuable than jewels, cars, houses, or money.  In fact, most GOOD things cannot be valued in dollars and cents, that is how you know they are GOOD!  

I'm sure you have good things in your life, that perhaps you have forgotten to be thankful for--never forget to thank Him.  For He is the creator of all things good.

Good Things:

The crash of a wave, and then another, and another.

The flight of a gull over the beach

The smile of a child who just found a treasure

Watching lovers walk together--who have been together for fifty years.  

A treasured family photo

Memories of our parents

A promise kept

Snuggling on your husband's chest, and feeling him breathe

Watching your child take his first steps--into the world of adulthood

Having the Word of God warm you up on a very cold morning

A good friend who comes from far to care for you

The day AFTER you have the flu...when you start to feel better

The bloom of a flower

An agate on the beach, and the SEARCH for the agate, which is better than the agate itself

A journey, any journey that involves a dirt path

Sunsets

The sound of a bat contacting the ball

The sight of a child in a sleeping bag

The purr of a cat

Worship so intense you feel like the heavens are opening up

A letter or card from a friend

A call from a far away child

A great doctor's report

The satisfaction that you feel when a friend has good news in their life

A strong hand in yours

A journal left behind for you to read...where you are called "honored, precious, treasured"

A moment in time where you have NOTHING to do

The sound of the wind through the trees

Your children...anytime, all the time.

Being told "thanks for making me the man I have become Mom"

A hug

Soft warm knee socks

Memories

The opportunity to make new memories

Watching the woman in front of you at church take off her shoes and worship God with all her might

The sound of a hammered dulcimer

The time spent with a piano, alone.

Romans 8:26-27 Clarity

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

A trip to the beach is always a healing thing for me.  When covered in the worries of life and suffocated by the extreme heat in Las Vegas, we would spirit away to the Oregon coast.  There, we would rehydrate, and nourish our souls among the waves and sand.

This weekend, I spent some time at the coast with my daughter's family.  We walked along the beach, we laughed, we ran, we enjoyed the salt spray.  Much time was spent walking along the shoreline, praying.

One of our family activities is searching for agates.  Agates are rocks that have been smoothed by the ocean, and they are clear.  You can see through them...they gather the light and refract it, and in their transparency they are beautiful.  They glitter on the sand like diamonds.  

As I gathered, I thought, oh, how nice it would be if my life were so clear, if I could shine like these lovely agates in the wet sand, as a testimony that my Lord always has me, that He has YOU as well, if you will accept his free gift.

I was searching for clarity--clarity in my life mission, clarity for my next steps.  I listened so closely, but I wasn't receiving any shouts from the Lord.  At one point, I put some of Layne's ashes out, and I said to God, "You want me to do all these things, but you won't show me how to get them done!  How am I supposed to get into churches to tell our story?  How am I to publish the book?  What parts of my life should be in the book?  Are you going to TELL ME?"  Then I just got on my knees and I cried...and I moaned, and I let God know I'm broken and I want nothing more than to serve Him.  I want to tell others that He has them.  But I need for Him to show me that my steps have been ordered BY Him and that I'm on the right path.

Sometimes, we don't have the words.  We have great need--a healing, physical or spiritual, a new direction, financial help.  And the needs are so great we can't even put them to words.  We are lost, and we just need our father to come along and scoop us up, and take care of us.  

It is then that the Spirit helps us.  HE speaks to the Father for us.  HE knows us intimately and can turn our cries, our sobs, into pleas to the Father.  And this is why Jesus wanted so much to send Him to us.

Today, spend some time --without words.  Reach out to God with those groanings of your soul and let the Spirit do the translation for you.  He will bring your requests to the Father, and the Father will refine you, like the ocean refines the agates, into transparent glory that shines out to those who seek.

Proverbs 3:5-6--The Long and Winding Road

A black river snaking across the landscape, inky and mysterious beckons.  Prepared for the battle, the riders take to their mounts, and pursue the journey.  Each meandering curve is a surprise, each twist excites the senses.  Too slow, and the ride will be torturous, but advance too quickly, and the path may be deadly.  A skilled rider learns to feel the road, dance with the dips and bends, and accept that though it may be faster to ride on the straight path, the education, the true high of the ride comes only by mastering the curves.

In the past week, I was on a journey.  I attended WeSTOC, the west coast gathering of the ST Owner's Club.  The Honda ST is a sport touring bike, and the first time that Layne and I saw one, we fell in love.  This was the bike that would allow us to spend time together, to grow closer together, and to find new adventures.  The bike also helped us find new friends. 

Our group meets in a different western location each year.  This year, our meeting place was Golden, Colorado, where roads lead to the Rocky Mountain National Park.  The mountains are immense, and the scenery is a visual feast.  Most importantly, the roads are far from straight.  

A motorcycle rider lives for twisties.  There is something about a curvy road that quickens the heartbeat.  It's like dancing with God.  The ride through the Rockys reminded me that clearly, riding is so much like our journey here on earth.

Reaching the pinnacle of a peak is exhilarating...but the path to the top is often treacherous.  You aren't always sure what the next corner will bring, and there are dangers throughout the ascent--gravel that can take your tires out from under you, cars that cross the center line, animals running into your path.  A rider must have faith in his gear to protect him, in his tires to hold him up, and in his ability to feel that path that has been laid out for him or her.

Our group always gears up.  And we are given armor in the Bible that will protect us from possible falls.  God knows they happen.  He knows that sometimes, we're going to overshoot a corner, or become too confident and forget the dangers.  That is why he provides us with armor, and He expects we'll wear it.  

But each mile of the journey is filled with promise, too.  Sights that you would have missed, if you didn't take the ride.  Friendships that you wouldn't have forged, moments that are so valuable, the entire journey is wrapped up in them.  To find these gems though, you  have to be willing to risk the ride, the journey.  You have to be willing to have faith that although dipping down low into the next turn may put your throat in your stomach, there will be an experience in the trip that you wouldn't want to miss.

Our lives are full of curves.  Some of them are exhilarating, others are terrifying.  But each one grows us and makes us stronger.  Without those twists, we'd be alive, but we wouldn't really live.

Layne taught me to ride.  When I met him, I was terrified of motorcycles.  He rode me around the neighborhood at less than ten miles an hour, letting me getting used to the feel of the machine and his riding style.  As time went by, he taught me to dance with the bike, to feel the road beneath and let myself lean into the curves instead of struggling against them.  

God taught me to do the same with life. I leave with you this video of one of the dances I was honored to have at WeSTOC.  May we all embrace the journey.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

  .  https://vimeo.com/49170448

Psalm 103:2-5

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Sept 11, 2001.  A call comes in from my husband.  "Are you watching the news?"

Normally, I turned the news on as I brushed my teeth...first thing. But, for some reason, on Sept 11, I had been distracted.  "No, why?"

"We are under attack"

"What?"

So I ran to the television just in time to watch the North Tower of the World Trade Center crumble to ashes. I was in shock.My mind went back to a dinner that I attended there just weeks previous.  I was impressed by the sheer mass of the tower. Even the revolving doors were massive, thick, intimidating.  How could something so strong become cinders in the blink of an eye.

Immediately, I knew two things:  One, the end times are here, and I was not ready.  I was far from God, and His plans were moving forward without me.   Two, if that building was ashes, surely the life I had built and put all my stock in was nothing.  The new home we were building, the money in the bank, the "security" I felt I had purchased.

I began to question everything.  I wanted my life to be meaningful.  I didn't want to get up, work every day, and have nothing to show for it but things that burn.  My marriage was good by all outward standards, but we were very busy being busy, and had no time for one another.  I looked at Layne.  I had no idea who he really was.  

It was shortly thereafter that I asked for a divorce.  And Layne replied by asking for a month.  A month?  What good is that?  But, I reasoned, he had been my husband ten years...I owed him a month.

In that month, something happened.  He attended Promisekeepers...there he met Christ.  He began to go in our closet in the morning, and he prayed.  He poured his heart out...and he begged God for his marriage.  He  begged God to make him a better husband, a better father.  He asked nothing of me.  But he began to give.  I would ignore him, and yet, he would give, and give and give.

And he prayed for me, every single day.

And my heart was softened, and he returned me to my Savior...and walked our entire family one by one to the throne.

So while others think of September 11 with defiance, with sadness, I remember it as a turning point.  For me personally, for our family, for our country.

What did we learn on September 11?  Life is short.  God will not be mocked.  Fix relationships, it is all we have.  Love others above yourself as the rescuers did.  Hold one another tight in the darkness, for a new day will dawn.  His timing, and His promise that the unthinkable is thinkable...is real.

What will we do with that knowledge today?

Luke 19:1-10

19 He entered Jericho and was passing through. ² And there was a man called by the name of Zaccheus; he was a chief tax collector and he was rich. ³ Zaccheus was trying to see who Jesus was, and was unable because of the crowd, for he was small in stature. ⁴ So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a ^[a]sycamore tree in order to see Him, for He was about to pass through that way. ⁵ When Jesus came to the place, He looked up and said to him, “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” ⁶ And he hurried and came down and received Him ^[b]gladly. ⁷ When they saw it, they all began to grumble, saying, “He has gone ^[c]to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” ⁸ Zaccheus stopped and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, half of my possessions I ^[d]will give to the poor, and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I ^[e]will give back four times as much.” ⁹ And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because he, too, is a son of Abraham. ¹⁰ For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.”

For those of you who don't know...I came home this week.  I flew in the arms of my family, my friends, my heritage.  It was wonderful.

I drove to Pickerington, Ohio, and up Route 204.  I was enjoying the gentle, rolling hills, the soft curves of the road.  I was probably driving too fast, and then I saw it--a traffic light!  "Since when is there a traffic light at this curve," I wondered.  I slammed on the brakes, and thought "Wow, things have changed."

Then, I made my way to Harmon Road, which in my memory is an oiled one lane path, arched with trees.  I was amazed to find the road of my memory lined with subdivisions along a three lane highway.  

Yet, coming home filled me with warmth.  If it wasn't the houses and the streets--what could make me feel so wonderful?  It was the embrace of my brother, the smile of my sister, the voice of a friend calling out "Betty Lou!"   I haven't been called by my full name in SO long.  

As I sat one evening around a fire, chatting with my high school friends, I realized how important it is to be with people who KNOW you and love you.  They know your name, your REAL name.  They don't forget you.  You are important to them.  Your life matters.

Indeed, my life matters.  And your life matters.  And that is why in Luke, Jesus called Zaccheus by name, though he was not the most lovable person.  He was a tax collector.  He was without friends.  Yet Jesus knew him, by name.  He knew his heart. 

That is our Savior.  He's hoping that you will return home to Him.  He knows your name.  He wants to embrace you and love you.  He doesn't forget you...ever.

Exodus 19:4

 "You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles’ wings, and brought you to Myself. "

I'm getting ready to fly.  I used to love to fly...it's faster than driving, your legs don't have to be cramped in a seat for 18 hours to get to Oregon from Las Vegas. There are even wonderful little snackies and a soda on the trip!  

Then, 911 happened.  I watched that plane fall from the sky into a field, and she who fears falling and heights began a journey with trepidation.  I get a lot of praying done on flights.  

There was the flight I prayed all the way to be at the side of my Aunt, who died in my arms hours later.  There was the first flight to Texas, to take Layne to see doctors at MD Anderson, in the hopes they would save his life.  There was the final flight home from MD Anderson, when we sobbed the entire way--and prayed for peace and strength to face the children.

I don't think it is any surprise that flight and wings have a lot of space in the Bible.  The Lord talks about lifting us up on wings as eagles to renew our strength.  In Exodus, he says he brought Israel to himself on eagles' wings.  I'm sure that the Israelites who had been in bondage and trudged through a desert for 40 years didn't feel like the trip was as easy as getting on Eagle's wings, but yet, He says he bore them!  

It's easy to forget when things are hard, that God is bearing us ...that He is moving us along to HIM.  He doesn't care if you become vice president of a company.  He cares that you move closer to HIM.  That's His end goal.  

While we are winging our way to the Lord, through all the deserts in our lives, he also protects us.  In Psalm 91, God offers protection under His wings.  So though He wants us to fly ...and be expedient in moving toward him, His wings are also protection for us.

This morning, when you got up for your flight...did you pray?  Spend some time with the Pilot today, and talk about His flight plan for you!