James 1:27

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this:  to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

I've been very burdened lately, that it is time to get back to the one promise I made Layne that I have not kept--to write the book "Our Journey In His Hands".  It's time.

I have put it off for so many reasons.  I know the inner strength it will take to go back through Layne's journals and my own, and to re-live that time when cancer dictated so much in our lives.  I also know that when I begin to write it, I'm going to face a lot of challenge from Satan, and let's face it, the past few years in my life have had enough trial and tribulation without calling out the enemy for face-to-face combat.  I also know the time commitment, and I run a business and a household.  Last but not least, who knows if I write it, if anyone will ever read it.  Can I get it published?

But I realize that it's time.  I know it was God who laid the book on our hearts.  It was Him who put the love of writing and tools for that in my heart at a young age.  I know also, that when He gives you talents, He expects that you will do more than court reporting or writing about the local diners with the gift.

But most of all, I'm realizing there is a gap that is not being filled by our churches.  It's a huge gap, because it's the essence of pure religion according to the writer of James.  We aren't serving our widows.

There are ministries for everything:  Promisekeepers is for men, Women of Faith for women.  There are youth ministries, homeless ministries, ministries for those with addictions such as Celebrate Recovery.  There are so many ministries, but this one thing that the church barely mentions.  Yes, there are grief ministries, but they don't really "care for" the widow.

I know that we are overlooked as a group because the women who are widowed have begun to care for one another.  There is an amazing blog called "A Widow's Walk" and another "One Fit Widow" that reach out to thousands of those left behind to finish their walk on earth alone.  Yet there is no church-wide movement to care for those mentioned so often in the Bible as the charge of the church.

Why should the church care for widows?  Because we simply cannot preach that women should take the biblical role of a help-meet, making her primary job caring for the household (though many women today also work) and then, if her husband is taken before her, kiss her on the forehead and wish her well.

In my own experience, most churches and Christians are at a loss as to how to handle a widow.  They aren't sure how to care for them, and when you call on Christian men to step in, they struggle to find the time.  In addition, we really aren't preparing Christian men to think about their wives--and what happens if tomorrow, the Lord calls them home?  Preparing for the possibility that you are not here, through journals so that your children can know your heart, education of your children in the ways of the Lord, and of course, financially, is of utmost importance.

Cancer has a way of making you a "widow" or "widower" even before your spouse is gone.  You lose the ability to share openly with them--most spouses don't talk about their fears with the spouse who has cancer, as they have their own fears.  You may lose their income, and their true personality due to some of the drugs that they must utilize in the fight.  We really need, as a church, to be reaching into homes where there is cancer, and serving them in so many ways, most of which cost nothing.

In addition, there is so much to say about the journey...how God did indeed show up, and that death is not "losing" or "lack of faith."  It is graduation into the arms of a loving Savior.

So, it's time to write about our journey.  You can help in so many ways:

1.  Prayer--this needs to be a book about what God did and what He can do
2.  Support by sharing the blog
3.  Encouragement --hold me accountable to write, and encourage me.  Writing is a lonely occupation and it is very easy to say "Oh I'll do it tomorrow, who will know if I don't write?"

I hope that this book will help so many reach back to their Savior, who is the great physician and the husband to the church.  I hope that any opportunities to speak will help to provide for widows of the future, and provide hope to those with cancer, that God holds their journeys and knows their tears.

With much love,
Betty

Four Years...and forever counting

As of tomorrow, it will have been four years since an amazing Yachats vacation.  Our family walked the beaches, sat on the sitting rock, made our way one more time down the forbidden access to the forbidden beach (shhhhhh I can't tell you where it is!)

We hiked trials, we ate on the beach, and Layne had a wonderful birthday.  Now I knew, at that time, unless there was a miracle, it would be his last birthday.  I nearly couldn't contain my tears...as he came happily out of the spa, where we had gifted him with a massage and time in a whirlpool overlooking the beach at the Overleaf.

He said it made his aching bones feel so much better, and he felt God in the room with him.  Well, that's worth whatever we paid for it.  I think back on that day, that glorious day, and I miss him.

I miss the man who was more than a dad, he was an example.  He asked nothing he would not do himself, either from his kids or from his employees.  And everyone respected him for that.

I miss him as a partner in life.  He was more than a husband, he was again, an example.  While I railed at God and screamed at him "How can you do this to us?" he said calmly..."He's here, and He has us."

I miss him as a friend.  When people let us down--especially people for whom he had provided much, he said "It's okay, at least now we know who truly loved us and to whom "Let me know what we can do" is just nice words to make themselves feel better."  It was Layne who coined the phrase, "Love is not a word, it's an action."

I miss him as a wise counselor.  He often could see through people in ways I could not.  He sensed when someone was going to harm us, and he sensed when people had needs..

I miss him as a man.  He was a man's man.  Always doing so much--I remember clearly when he picked up the car...and when he put a refrigerator in our Escort wagon...  I remember him working 16-18 hours sleeping for four and going back in to work.  He provided well, and he used his back and his wonderful hands to do that.

I miss him as the center of our family.  I always knew that.  I realized that I was part of the family, but he was the hub that we all revolved around.  He kept the boys on the narrow path.  He loved the girls, more than they would ever know.  He kept the family working together, with all those different personalities and viewpoints.

I miss him mostly as part of me, part of my soul.  We thought the same thoughts.  We often completed one another's sentences.  We believed the same.  We would play a number game, and we nearly always could guess one another's numbers.  Our faith was the same--we believed in being members of Christ's church not "a" church. We believed in teaching our own kids, not relying on a church to do it for us.  We believed that Christ had came to make change, and that if there is no change, there is no evidence of Christ.  We expected much of each other as Christians, and he held me to a strong and strict standard.

I miss him...and I honor him.  For there will never be another Layne.  He has put a piece of himself into five children.  He has given them a love of fine woods, good people, doing for others and hard work.  He has provided them an example that you can rise above whatever your circumstances, and you can create a life worth living.  He has left in each of them a kindness and a wit, that is unmatched.

He would tell the kids, when their jokes went too long..."Brevity is the soul of wit."  There was none more funny or witty than Layne.  And truly, that may be why he was taken so soon.  His life was brief, but it touched so many.

I was honored to be his wife and co-parent.  I was honored to be lifted by his laughter and held always by his hand on the beach, and in life.

Happy Birthday to a man who spoiled me and loved me and the kids, above all others, except God.  To Layne...who indeed, did tell us he was sick!

Love you...

The Fallow Season

The air is crisp, the sounds of leaves crunch under my feet as I walk in the evenings.  The colors of fall in Oregon are so intense that they are nearly surreal.  

As I enjoy the changes of seasons, and Oregon begins to enter the chill of winter, I am reminded of the heat of summer in Las Vegas and Arizona.  Our entire family bemoaned the lack of true seasons when we lived in the desert.  It is odd, after being raised in Ohio, to live in a place where there are only two temperatures: Extremely hot and extremely cold.

In the desert, the leaves are generally knocked off by a wind storm before they fall.  Most trees are evergreens, so there is no change of color.  The spring is not a season, it's a week.  

In Oregon, spring bursts forth with amazing colors.  The streets are lined with tulips and daffodils.  The trees begin to show buds, which are such a bright green to be nearly florescent.  The smells are amazing, and the sun kisses the soil.  Then summer is filled with green grass, fields of wheat and corn bowing in the breeze, and the crash of blue and white waves boiling onto the beaches.  Fall enters with fire reds, bright yellows and radiant oranges.  Winter holds gray skies and a scattering of white snow.  The fields are empty, nothing is produced on the farms.  

We get rain, we get a lot of rain.  We have gloomy weather.  But what I have realized is that when we lived in Vegas, without the constant rain to live through, with skies that are nearly always blue, something was missing.  

In life, we get rain.  We have to endure those fallow seasons, where we aren't growing anything.  Our fields lay fallow, we feel as though we aren't moving ahead in life, or ahead for the Lord.  But a rebirth is coming.  The spring will follow those periods of our life when there is death, there is sadness, there is a season of frigidness.  

And after we come through the winter season in our lives, we will be re-energized and life will break through with vibrant growth.  We'll find new inspiration and new hope.  

As Christians, we are not promised perfect lives.  God's goal is not to create a gentle journey for us.  His goal is for us to return to his arms, laden down with the fruit of other souls.  Part of our our sharpening process is hardship.  We are not promised ease, we are promised that when the world falls apart, we'll be held.  And, we are promised that spring is coming.

There is beauty in every season.  If it is your fallow season, take time to rest in God.  He will provide a new spring...soon.

Ephesians 3:20 (More than meets the eye)

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us."

"You missed signing a page of the paperwork, and the house needs to fund tomorrow.  You'll need to find the notary that came to your home and get her to notarize one more signature from you and get it to us immediately."

Wow, nothing about selling our home in Las Vegas has been easy.  We began the process in November of 2011, yet in February of 2013 the process still drudges along.  Now, we're down to the last few days before we lose the deal we have worked on for more than a year.  This is vitally important to us financially, so that we are not shackled by debt that was placed on the home in order to fund the lives of others... And I need to find a person who I know only by first name, with no clue of the company for whom she works, and I need to get her to make a special trip to my home for an additional signature.

Great.  This is how my life seems to go sometimes. Never an easy path, always the road is strewn with debris to be overcome.  Even something as "simple" as signing docs has been exasperating.

When I finally found Kristin, (she had left her number "just in case") she did indeed go out of her way to come directly to my home to gather the signature.  She was professional and courteous, and as she was gathering her things to leave, she said, "You know, this has only happened to me one other time, when a signature was missed.  And that time, it was because the person who I returned to needed prayers of healing."

Wow, a Christian.  Sometimes, you think you are the only one out there, and sometimes, they seem to be everywhere!

Then she went on to say that she sensed her appointment with me was about more than paperwork, that it was ordained by God. She asked if anyone had ever told me about Jesus, and I told her that we were also believers.   She prayed for my healing, laying hands upon my hip and shoulder.  She prayed for our kids, she prayed for Tony, for his job, for our household.  She prayed and she bound evil--and loosed blessings upon our home.

Sometimes paperwork is not just paperwork, and sometimes an accident is more than an accident.  We often through life, moaning and complaining about the things that seem to be obstacles to us.  When we lose a job, get cut off in traffic, or have emotional turmoil, we mutter, and we ask God "Why us?"

After all, as Christians, we are sometimes fed the message that God helps Christians, that He paves the way for us.  He will provide.  We can sit on our hands and He will see to it that our lives are perfect.  While the message may be pervasive, it isn't biblical.

Jesus himself told his followers that their lives would be difficult.  He said he came to bring a sword, and that if they wanted to come after Him, they would have to take up their cross and follow.  Taking up a cross is physically painful and challenging.  It is a mental load, it is a spiritual load.  There is no promise to remove the rocks in our pathway as we ascend our Golgotha 

Sometimes those rocks in our path are actually meant for our good.  We don't always take the time to appreciate them, or to recognize them as gifts.  The person who cuts you off in traffic could be saving you from a harrowing accident down the road.  The diagnosis could lead you to witness to another patient, and that may have eternal consequences.  There is so much spiritual activity about us that we simply don't see with our human eyes.

What appointments has God ordained for you today that are disguised as disappointments or interruptions?  Be looking for His Spirit at work...

Ecclesiastes 8:15

"So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a man under the sun except to eat and to drink and to be merry, and this will stand by him in his toils throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun."

**The grass glistened with the light drizzle that had fallen, and it beckoned them..."come and play!"  Quickly, they stripped themselves of shoes and socks...and began to run through the plush green carpeting.  Giggling, they romped and frolicked...**

Kids can be amazing.  They see the wonder in all things.  Their eyes shine with unbridled excitement, and they don't hesitate to see the good and the joy in everything.  Do you remember being young?  The days when you would try anything once?  The days when a simple hand in yours made your entire body weak from young love?  Where does that enthusiasm for life go to?

Often, we age in our minds before we age in our bodies.  The trials and tribulations of life darken the skies, and our eyes no longer reflect the passion of youth.  The light goes out...and once out, it can be difficult to relight.  We begin to think things like retirement, and sitting back, watching life roll by.

But retirement isn't biblical.  The leaders of old led until God took them home!  He expected them to get up each day, and have renewed fervor for Him and his commandments.  He called them to do very difficult things, like lead nations, at ages we would be considering our rocking chairs.  We, too, should be so excited about our lives, which are of course, precious gifts, and each day of our lives, that we seek Him with the faith and vibrancy of a child.  Isn't that the model Jesus gave us in the New Testament?  

**Indeed, two fifty year old "children" ran through the turf, laughing in the drizzle, and enjoying the precious moment that God had provided them.  Their hearts were renewed, their souls replenished by a perfect moment grasped from the hands of the ho-hum adult world where what the neighbors think means more than appreciating every second in their brief lives.**

Tonight, become a child again.  Don't just walk through life with no energy, attack it with passion and exuberance!  

"Dance in the Rain"

I will raise up my head I will stretch out my arms 

for the Lord He is good and his love never ends.  

I will face to the heavens and circle before Him

Your love never fails and your mercies are new

Clouds they will not cover me

and the darkness will not silence me

i'll look to the sky and lift up my voice

with a childlike heart i will say 

let me dance in the rain

dance in the rain

let me dance in the rain

dance in the rain

Link to "Dance in the Rain" by the Chic Band (scroll down to find the song)   http://www.chickband.net/music.htm

  

Psalm 103:4-5

"(Bless the Lord oh my soul) who redeems your life from the pit; who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion, who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle."

We are all on a quest for good things.  We spend our lives trying to amass good things don't we?  I certainly have.  When I was seventeen and ready to launch my own life, "good things" meant a place of my own, a corner office in New York City editing some national magazine, looking down on people from my ivory tower.

As I journeyed forward, I wanted a home, a nice car, pretty clothes for the girls.  But that wasn't enough.  Pretty soon, I was sitting in an amazing home with a pool, gathering more checks than bills from my mailbox and I still wanted MORE good things.

Then came the Lord, to change my perspective.  He took my definition of "good things" and turned it all around.  Two weeks with my kids on a beach, watching Mike make a perfect catch and chase down a runner, standing in the rain, watching the homeschool teens honor their parents with tributes, and being able to lead a student to the Lord at Dare2Share....those became my new "good things."

Not a new car, but a hand in yours.  Not a bigger house, but a hug from a true friend.  Not more precedence in the community, but more opportunities to serve.  God does change our perspective...and THEN and only then can He satisfy our years with good things.  He always wants to, but our viewpoints are so skewed sometimes, that though he is trying to give us so many good things, we refuse to see them.

I've learned that the following are all good things. They are more valuable than jewels, cars, houses, or money.  In fact, most GOOD things cannot be valued in dollars and cents, that is how you know they are GOOD!  

I'm sure you have good things in your life, that perhaps you have forgotten to be thankful for--never forget to thank Him.  For He is the creator of all things good.

Good Things:

The crash of a wave, and then another, and another.

The flight of a gull over the beach

The smile of a child who just found a treasure

Watching lovers walk together--who have been together for fifty years.  

A treasured family photo

Memories of our parents

A promise kept

Snuggling on your husband's chest, and feeling him breathe

Watching your child take his first steps--into the world of adulthood

Having the Word of God warm you up on a very cold morning

A good friend who comes from far to care for you

The day AFTER you have the flu...when you start to feel better

The bloom of a flower

An agate on the beach, and the SEARCH for the agate, which is better than the agate itself

A journey, any journey that involves a dirt path

Sunsets

The sound of a bat contacting the ball

The sight of a child in a sleeping bag

The purr of a cat

Worship so intense you feel like the heavens are opening up

A letter or card from a friend

A call from a far away child

A great doctor's report

The satisfaction that you feel when a friend has good news in their life

A strong hand in yours

A journal left behind for you to read...where you are called "honored, precious, treasured"

A moment in time where you have NOTHING to do

The sound of the wind through the trees

Your children...anytime, all the time.

Being told "thanks for making me the man I have become Mom"

A hug

Soft warm knee socks

Memories

The opportunity to make new memories

Watching the woman in front of you at church take off her shoes and worship God with all her might

The sound of a hammered dulcimer

The time spent with a piano, alone.

Romans 8:26-27 Clarity

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

A trip to the beach is always a healing thing for me.  When covered in the worries of life and suffocated by the extreme heat in Las Vegas, we would spirit away to the Oregon coast.  There, we would rehydrate, and nourish our souls among the waves and sand.

This weekend, I spent some time at the coast with my daughter's family.  We walked along the beach, we laughed, we ran, we enjoyed the salt spray.  Much time was spent walking along the shoreline, praying.

One of our family activities is searching for agates.  Agates are rocks that have been smoothed by the ocean, and they are clear.  You can see through them...they gather the light and refract it, and in their transparency they are beautiful.  They glitter on the sand like diamonds.  

As I gathered, I thought, oh, how nice it would be if my life were so clear, if I could shine like these lovely agates in the wet sand, as a testimony that my Lord always has me, that He has YOU as well, if you will accept his free gift.

I was searching for clarity--clarity in my life mission, clarity for my next steps.  I listened so closely, but I wasn't receiving any shouts from the Lord.  At one point, I put some of Layne's ashes out, and I said to God, "You want me to do all these things, but you won't show me how to get them done!  How am I supposed to get into churches to tell our story?  How am I to publish the book?  What parts of my life should be in the book?  Are you going to TELL ME?"  Then I just got on my knees and I cried...and I moaned, and I let God know I'm broken and I want nothing more than to serve Him.  I want to tell others that He has them.  But I need for Him to show me that my steps have been ordered BY Him and that I'm on the right path.

Sometimes, we don't have the words.  We have great need--a healing, physical or spiritual, a new direction, financial help.  And the needs are so great we can't even put them to words.  We are lost, and we just need our father to come along and scoop us up, and take care of us.  

It is then that the Spirit helps us.  HE speaks to the Father for us.  HE knows us intimately and can turn our cries, our sobs, into pleas to the Father.  And this is why Jesus wanted so much to send Him to us.

Today, spend some time --without words.  Reach out to God with those groanings of your soul and let the Spirit do the translation for you.  He will bring your requests to the Father, and the Father will refine you, like the ocean refines the agates, into transparent glory that shines out to those who seek.